The Lost Mindset

When I was a kid, I liked going to school. The idea of learning something new excited me. At that time, I thirsted for knowledge because the world was filled with it. There was an unlimited supply— one which I’ll never completely attain. But I didn’t care because I wanted to learn. That’s how it worked for me from preschool until grade 7. I went to school and cherished those moments wherein I learned new information— just because it wasn’t a burden. I found learning something new as an energizer— I craved for more.

But now that feeling is gone. I dread going to school nowadays because of the requirements that pile up with every new knowledge I attain. At times, the said information isn’t even fleshed out, so I get nothing at all— just work that’ll surely stress me out. Nowadays, I’d rather sleep or watch anime than go site hopping for information. Those times wherein I bought books with random factual information in them— gone. All because I lost the will to learn. I got sick of the information overload Pisay gave, but that’s Pisay. Pisay was meant for those who excel in the Sciences and who can go through information overloads without dying from limited brain space. But it’s that exact information overload that led me to this final plan of mine.

I’m going to do my best in order to enter the university I want in Singapore. It’s an all or nothing thing for me. I know the risks I’m taking by betting all my chances in Singaporean schools, but if I don’t— I may permanently lose that feeling. I know somewhere deep down that the mindset I had as a kid still exists. It’s there— barely breathing. Waiting for a chance to heal and become whole once again. The idea that studying and learning is fun still exist in the depths of my stress-filled mind. It simply needs time to heal— not just a three month summer break.

A whopping 9-month break if I take my chances. 

If I place all my chances on the Singapore universities and colleges, I’ll see myself entering college in the year 2013. Their school year starts on January, so if I bet all my chances on Singaporean schools, I have a 9-month break. Nine months to let this mindset of my heal and resurface. Yet what am I supposed to do for 9 months if that were the case? It all depends on how early I’ll start to miss studying. Trust me, a 3-month summer break won’t cut it.

My dad is hesitant about the plan I’m proclaiming. My mom, on the other hand, seems supportive— especially when she heard that I’d want to travel or at least work part time somewhere. As usual, my parents are at odds with one of my plans, but I’ve read an article that can back it up, which I’ll search through my browsing history another time.

There was a research study done about students who take a year off between high school and college. It’s said that people who take a time off are happier when they enter college— or at least more excited to learn. Plus, these students don’t become lazy because they want to regain information they lost. So here I am wondering, will it all work out? Who knows, but I’m certainly not planning to go to the US for college— no matter how much my dad nags me to.


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