I Never Knew 4th Year Could Be So…

Tiring? Tedious? Stressful? Energy-sucking? Killer? Confusing? Unknown.

For a lot of people, it’s probably sinking deep on how killer fourth year is. There are those who still try to rise up against the challenge, but there are others who have given up. Those who have simply died out. Trust me, I’ve reached that burned out situation earlier than most people. I reached it at the end of the first quarter.

It’s not supposed to be like this, as I hold my head
I’m struggling, wanting to escape from this saturated world
Like the rustling sand, time passes by
The current situation won’t get any better; I look at the dreamless tomorrow*

At the end of the first quarter, I had burned myself out. I dropped some of my activities in order to pursue better scores. But they never got better. I had slowly given up on trying to do my best that I’ve resulted to this toxic ‘bahala na’ attitude. I trapped myself in a world where I thought things wouldn’t get better. I desperately wanted the school year to end quickly so I could relieve myself from my misery.

Looking back, I could say I’ve come a far way from that burned out state. In the second quarter, I told myself that I’d take everything step by step— I wouldn’t bite more than I could chew. Slowly, I told myself— slowly it’ll get better. As time passes, the pain will surely ease. It’s a method I’ve lived with since first year. It isn’t efficient, but it is effective because it gets you to contemplate. It lets you learn ways of jumping a hurdle.

The reality is so bitter that I don’t want to take it in
I’ll stop thinking rampant, idle thoughts and get past the darkness*

The reality of fourth year is toxic. It’s bitter and at some point, we can’t take it. However, take a second and breathe. Take a few minutes and do something you love. Doing something you love can calm the stress down— that’s why when I’m stuck I play games or write posts/stories. Sure, doing what you love can suck up the time to be productive, but it also releases you from stress. It gives you time to relax and think about other things. It gives your brain time to relax.

Don’t think of your requirements are stressors. The moment you do, they’ll get the better of you. Requirements given are simply the number of tasks you have to do to reach salvation. The real purpose of requirements is to develop one as a person. It’s through inelastic time that one learns skills that can’t be learned through leisured time. Think of requirements as something fun— think of it as a way to express who you are. That’s how I think of requirements and that’s the reason why I take so long in doing them too.

When the stress is all over, you can look back and say, “hey, I survived.” I said the same thing when I achieved my goal of reorganizing my 2nd quarter. It may not have been reorganized to other people’s standards, but I managed to survive. I’ve managed to learn how I work under stress and pressure. The trick is simply to take it a step at a time. Learn to trust your group members because they can lighten the load greatly. Don’t be constrained to your parents’ ideals. Forget the shit others are saying about you behind your back. Believe that you’ll get through it.

I may have burned myself out early, but by burning myself out, I learned other things. Other things that can’t be learned from always trying your hardest and passing. Sometimes, it takes failure to learn the greatest lessons in life.

*How To Go by School Food Punishment

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