There are no goodbyes, just see you later’s.

The school year is at a close, which means a beginning of a new chapter. “There are no goodbyes, just see you later’s” is a common saying and in reality, it’s a short way to describe this post. This isn’t a goodbye from my blogging tendencies— admittedly, blogging, or at least writing, has become a pastime of mine. It’s a part of me I’ll never let go; however it’s a goodbye to this blog, but not to blogging. I’m moving blogs in summary, but surely, a post may somehow pop up on this wordpress once again just to say where I will be.

So it’s goodbye to elechimezzoflation. Here’s a parting video for you— a favorite battle round of mine on The Voice 2.

PS. Two clues to find my new blog: it’s related to the chaos effect & a recurring theme in the Persona series..

In the end, she couldn’t give him the happiness he wanted.

She took a gamble by taking a look at those messages. Curiosity overwhelmed her with that certain name, but in the end, curiosity should never have taken over. A quick stab suddenly led her to a confused state. She took a deep breath and sighed heavily. It looked like her plans were about to change.

She found it frustrating that there was something deeper going on between the two parties. The girl had hurt him not once, but twice. She had hoped that she’ll never have to see him go through that pain again that’s why after the second mess, she dedicated her time to making sure he’d move on— to make sure he’ll be back on his feet. She did all that until the girl’s name wasn’t mentioned in any conversation— when he started to smile a little more than the time after the mess.

Yet this was all in vain. The scenario that unfolded in front of her eyes frustrated her. He was going to get himself hurt again— by the same girl. She wanted to punch a tree, to scream and ultimately, to cry in frustration. She rarely cried because of sadness, but due to frustration. She had done so once again. All she had done to make sure he’d smile and be back on his feet— the possibility of going down the drain was completely high. Maybe what she had done wasn’t enough to make him move— to make him take a new direction.

In the end, she couldn’t give him the happiness he wanted.

When the Star Shines

It’s one of those games you play at parties or at special occasions. The judge gives a word and the group must give a song that has a lyric with that word. If the group is unable to give a song in 5 seconds, they forfeit their turn.

It was meant to be a filler activity for being 2 meetings ahead than most sections, but her teacher needed to add a quiz bonus into the mix. It wasn’t supposed to be a fun and eventful thing for her, but she couldn’t help but try when she found herself in the same group as him. She tried her best working through her brain’s song bank, but the only song lyrics in it were Disney and songs she had gotten LSS-ed to before. It wasn’t that much help, but her minimal song lyric bank, his wide array of knowledge for songs and their groups linked thoughts, those got them to survive the rounds except for 2 times wherein their group had a slip up.

He wasn’t good at singing that she had found out, so whenever he tried to sing the song she couldn’t help, but laugh inside. She wasn’t a good singer either, but she had some melody and tune to her singing. Unknowingly, she found herself enjoying the game especially with their streak of correct lyrics. She found herself smiling in his company and being energetic. That wasn’t the only time she found herself showing the side of her that made her smile.

A simple conversation about the Skechers Dance Battle and how to incorporate it into a choreography got them to click at the sidelines of practice. She found herself rambling about dancing and the possible choreography to make the dance they had to present a bit better. He would feed her with his thoughts on what to add and she’d get numerous lightbulb moments. She found themselves clicking, but that’s probably ’cause the topic being shared was something they had a commonality with.

She found herself smiling in his company and being herself. It was an atmosphere she couldn’t show in her section. She was an outcast in her section with no one to relate to. She was always down and in serious mode because that was her way of retreating into a shell. Yet, here was one guy that managed to make her smile during her stay in that section. It wasn’t only him for there were a few girls— simply countable in one hand. It’s just that this guy managed to make her open up and be herself unknowingly. He was one sly person.

It shouldn’t have been done.

She knew it wasn’t healthy. To run after that opportunity cost to redeem herself. She realized she picked the wrong choice— or maybe it was wrong because what she picked ended in failure. But in truth, even when she had chosen that wrong choice, she could never let go of the feeling she had for that opportunity cost. The idea muddled her mind and made her go crazy, but she continuously pushed it to the back of her mind.

Yet the feeling has dominated her once again. She couldn’t help but let the feeling overwhelm her once again— even with knowledge of the effects. She was tired and let her head fall onto his shoulders. It was a gesture to denote how tired she was, but ultimately, it was to show the feelings she had long kept in her towards him. She felt safe— to the point she drifted off to slumber. She didn’t have a clue what was going through his mind with that gesture of hers. She must’ve made him feel awkward and placed him in a bad situation.

Her friend told her that he couldn’t decipher the guy’s face when she placed her head on the guy’s shoulder. From the point of view of her friend, the guy didn’t know how to take the gesture itself. She laughed when her friend told that to her. It was an expected reaction, but in the end, she shouldn’t have done it. She cared about the guy too much and bringing him into the mess known as her life wasn’t a healthy thing to do. The feelings she had towards him wasn’t healthy either. It was taking control of her mind.

The simplest yet hardest solution is to walk away from all contact.

The 7% Possibility

He asked if we could go back to being  friends. I said I was fine with that, but I hinted that we wouldn’t be talking to each other often— or at all, in the worse case scenario. He was adamant about being friends like the good old days, but I was persistent that it wouldn’t be fixed overtime. How stubbornness can get the better of me! But as my stubbornness prevails, so does the reasoning that formulates in the depths of my mind.

He had a new group of friends. In truth, it can be considered the same group of friends that stay with us in the gazebos. The sad truth about it— they were classmates. He has more chances to bond with them, thus creating more exciting experiences. It works the same way for those other friends of mine who are classmates— tighter bonds. Sadly, I’m left in a section wherein no one goes to that gazebo of mine. No one with the same usual group of friends I have. It gets quite lonely and I don’t think he could understand such a pain. As he’s off frolicking with his group of friends, I’m stuck with no one to relate to. He has the same company in and out of class— such an inexistent case for me.

I don’t want to be feeling close (FC) with him and his new friends. A weird feeling takes over me whenever I crash into something I know I’ll never be appreciated in. The part that sucks behind all this— I won’t have his attention. He has a new world wherein I’m in a lower priority of attention giving than others. The time I was once at par with them— it exists no more. I’ve lost the energy to push my way back to where it was. It won’t return to normal.

Yet what is this 7% possibility? The possibility of returning to the good old days seems like a far off dream— a dream I cannot attain. The positive times where we’d talk about the most random things and share problems— at least one-sided-ly. I don’t think it’ll ever return to normal with what I’ve found out about him— what I’ve seen in him and heard from him. It’ll never be like before— at the state of things right now.